It has been about five years since my last studio recording, a surprise video for Kelly at our wedding. I also intended to surprise her with a live performance of a song in Cantonese, but the logistics and last-minute preparation for the wedding proved too time-consuming. I intended to work out the lyrics to the song during the week of the wedding and since I do not know Cantonese I was depending on the help of friends and family, who were in fact gracious enough to help, but it proved to be more complicated than I expected. As a result, I believe my last real performance in front of a live audience was circa 2010 or 2011, about eight or nine years ago.
As a part of my return to music, Kelly has been urging me to play with the worship team at our church, Doral Vineyard. After dragging my feet for many months, I finally mentioned to our pastor that I would be willing to help at some point if it made sense for them. The worship team has been in flux since the beginning of the year and we have been fortunate to have some great guests from around the area take turns each week to lead our service. The easiest transition for me would be at the piano, so I suggested that if there was a group that could use it I would offer to fill in on the keys. With my mind made up, we looked at the calendar only to realize it would be nearly two months until I could commit. With our busy work and travel schedules and the need for me to be available for both the midweek rehearsal and Sunday service, two months out was pretty much the earliest week I knew for sure that I could make it work. Nevertheless we had it on the schedule and I would have plenty of time to ease my fingers back into playing music again.
Of course I never make use of time I have to “ease” into anything. As the once-far-out date loomed closer it became evident that I would be learning the songs the day before our rehearsal. At some point we also realized that the Sunday of my “return to the stage” would coincide with Mother’s Day, and I would need to work on writing a song for Kelly, as that’s her request for every special occasion. Writing songs for me is no longer the simple task it used to be. As I am so out of practice, I struggle every step of the way. It’s a vicious cycle: frustration generates more struggle which fosters even more frustration.
So there I was, Thursday before Mother’s Day, trying to fix this stupid song I was trying to write when I really needed to be listening to the songs we were rehearsing that night. And rehearsal wasn’t a fun time either. I had a pretty awful headache, we started way behind schedule, we only had half the band, Kelly couldn’t handle it and had to take the kids home, I was alone with this half a band muddling through the set list and we sounded awful, and then Kelly called me in the middle to tell me she spilled water on my macbook and it wouldn’t turn on. What a memorably miserable evening. I got home and just wanted to go to sleep…which if you know me, is something I almost never want to do.
Sunday began with some trepidation. I felt prepared and ready to go, but I wasn’t sure how the band would sound. I also didn’t finish my song for Kelly. I decided I would play it for her without words and tell her that the lyrics would have to be TBD. The band met early that morning for a pre-service rehearsal, and from the get go we sounded 100 times better. What a difference having a solid rhythm section can make!! The performance certainly wasn’t perfect…there were things I could have done much better and the band as a whole as well, but for what we had to work with it was great. And the biggest thing of all was how much fun I had. I honestly didn’t expect it. I have performed in some important, very exciting, and really big venues. I have played with some amazing musicians and performed more personally fulfilling and engaging works. So I went into that Sunday morning thinking I was just trying to help out, serve, and not embarrass myself. But the exhilaration of performing, the satisfaction of being part of a group, and just feeling the live music pulsing through my veins brought back something that I have not felt in years and quite honestly had completely forgotten ever existed.
During the performance, my wife brought our boys into the sanctuary with her. Watching the toddler jump up and down and point at me, and even our 11-month old bounce up and down and clap his hands in excitement, was pure joy I’ve rarely experienced. The 3-year old has known that his dad was once a musician and has often expressed his desire to see me perform on that very stage. Later on, my wife joined me up there to speak about giving. In her remarks, she commented about how this was the best mother’s day she could imagine because she had never gotten to see me perform (we met in 2011, probably soon after my last live performance, not coincidentally) and now, for the first time, on a Mother’s Day, she was able to not only see me perform, but do it at her church with her on stage too!
Later on in the week I got a message from the music director of Miami Vineyard Church, our much larger sister church, who asked me if I would perform with their worship team. This was not my intention and playing with the worship team was never one of my goals, just a way to get back into the game. But it was obviously very flattering. I told them I would be happy to discuss this more in the fall after we return from our 10-week trip around the world.
Something I do hope to get into is working with our pastor to write original worship music tailored to his message for a particular day. I feel uniquely privileged that this is even fathomable, and I will not allow such opportunities to go to waste anymore. My motivation is my family and I will follow through for them! And I am grateful to my amazing wife that she didn’t really care much that I didn’t finish writing her song. The most important gift to her was seeing me begin my journey toward chasing my dreams.
